dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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