even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
