i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
