You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
that is very illegal...i love you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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