If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dear god my vagina.
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