Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
