I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
