I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Still dying that you shit outside
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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