speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
