My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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