I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
