I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
