I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
