um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Drunk is a universal language darling
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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