I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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