There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well you can't waste a boner
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
