i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
