I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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