Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
