Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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