Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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