How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
