We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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