how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i will never coherently bang her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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