totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the gays at disneyland are vicious
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
