Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
