i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
