Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
