It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
