we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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