you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
