If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
