I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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