I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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