Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize