wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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