You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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