So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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