He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to make out with him forever
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
