It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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