sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
