I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
