she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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