Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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