Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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