would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
