Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
