theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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