Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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