i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
