you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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