How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
