she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
