I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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