im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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