grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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