thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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