I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I met the friendliest cop last night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
