I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I deserve this hangover.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
