You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
